Life in the Time of Coronavirus...

The head of the CDC (Center for Disease Control), Dr. Robert Redfield, estimates that one out of four Americans has Covid 19. But, because we have inadequate testing, there is no way to verify this estimate. It includes asymptomatic carriers as well as people who are only mildly symptomatic, like me. I have a mild case of the virus which has included a cough and shortness of breath, some aches and tiredness, but no fever at all.

I called my doctor who informed me that no tests were available for those who don't require hospitalization. At this juncture, I would like to take the antibody test which, rumor has it, will be coming out soon. The importance of testing for antibodies produced by the immune system is twofold. First, it will help us understand the scope of infection and how close we are to the concept medical people call "herd immunity." That is the point when the virus runs out of new bodies to infect, the same way a wildfire eventually runs out of the fuel that keeps it burning. The second reason is that, in the past, the plasma of those whose antibodies have defeated the virus, has been used in vaccines that could potentially save lives.

As with all of us, this dystopian scenario has been the most dramatic public emergency I've ever lived through. Yet there are those who claim that this is just a dry run for the really big pandemics to come. Just as we were told the earthquake of 1989 was only a dress rehearsal for the really big one, this could be the beginning of a new era of mass disease. Considering our global climate crisis, I believe them, I just don't want to think about it. 

The drama, however, is interspersed with boredom and stir-craziness. Like so many others, I am watching movies, walking alone, going to zoom meetings and meditations, reading and writing. And I'm sure I watch way too much news for my mental health. I just keep on keepin' on, putting one foot in front of the other into the uncertain future. 

The Buddhists claim our biggest challenges are our greatest teachers. If so, my experiences of the past year and a half would make me a bodhisattva.  I have learned to restart my life after the demise of a twenty-year relationship, to survive major surgery and cancer and now how to navigate this strange landscape of disease and fear.

But today the sun is shining, melting much of my anxiety away. Ironically. I feel more connected to fellow citizens than I did before. We are all in this together. I am sheltering inside my body, my home, my community, my planet. I am so fortunate to have a place to live, food, friends and my computer, everything I need to get through this trying time. The sorrow will come later. In this moment I am safe, I am alive. I am at peace. 

"Weary of Life," Dignitas Helped Her Die

Spring Friedlander

We were not friends. She was an acquaintance of mine. We were in a group together OLOC ( Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). I also remember Spring Friedlander when she was a plumber and active in Tradeswomen. A couple months ago at an OLOC gathering,  Spring announced that her plans were set and she would exit this world soon. I took the news with a grain of salt. Spring was 75 and moved, looked and acted as though she was in good physical health. Mental health was another issue. She was clearly not okay and had been suffering quite a while. She often dominated meetings with rambling diatribes about her life as well as her plan to die.

Like any quasi-political group, especially one of old women, we were not equipped to address her needs. There was not a lot more to do than tell her when she used too much time that her turn was over. We failed her but we were not alone. Alienation and suicide are at record numbers in this country right now. Getting old is not fun, especially when you are alone.

I believe in assisted suicide. In 1973, at twenty-two, my father, myself and a dentist friend helped my mother die. She had terminal ovarian cancer. She was in pain and was being used to try out experimental drugs and procedures. She had no hope of survival. Euthanasia is mercy. It is now legal in many states including California. But what about legal suicide for depression? There are drugs. There is therapy. There is always tomorrow.

That's why I was so upset to find out that Spring had gone to Switzerland and, with the help of an organization called Dignitas, had made her final exit of this world. Her reason was short and simple: She was "weary of life."

Her memorial page is extensive. She expounds on her life, her motivation for ending it, her accomplishments etc. Spring was obviously a prolific writer. She could have at least had the goal of publishing this work as a memoir.

I don't know how I feel about this kind of suicide. It seems a shame, feels like a waste. Anyone at anytime may feel weary of life. But then it passes. There is always one more pizza. One more movie. One more beautiful spring day. I cannot provide any pat answers. I pass on this information simply as food for thought. Life is long, hard and convoluted. Death is an experience we are all assured of having. Morals and ethics are for pontificators and philosophers not for me. Rest in peace Spring Friedlander. I'm so sorry we failed you.