Childless by Choice: the Politics of Difference

Standing Out in a Crowd

Peer pressure to conform follows us throughout our lives. Presuming we survive our teenage years, we can choose to ignore tradition and follow the road less traveled. There is always a certain amount of sacrifice inherent in this decision and the perpetual assumptions of a traditional life will be constant and dog you wherever you go. Whether openly queer, proudly child-free, unabashedly atheist or marxist, these differences create divisions often making it harder to have the kind of conversations with co-workers, people we might encounter on jury duty, and just about everyone outside our circle. This can be more challenging than mainstream folks realize.

A close friend of mine who happens to be a mother felt invalidated by my recent blogging about discrimination against those of us who choose not to reproduce. Both myself and my sister, who is straight, made the decision to not have children an early age. I'm sure that hearing our mother continually harping on how the two of us ruined her life did not encourage us to follow in her footsteps. As a child I remember saying often that I didn't ask to be born and I was totally serious. There is beauty in the world but, in general, I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. It was not out of selfishness that I chose not to reproduce. I was truly motivated in the opposite direction.

Is the purpose of our time on earth to reproduce our species? Perhaps. Even so that doesn't mean everyone should be forced to do it. Do we live for some nebulous future or for the present? Well the inside-the-box thinking tends to lean toward the future. Buddhist thinking emphasizes the present. This starts to touch on that old religious question. Are we waiting for pie in the sky when we die or do we really want to be here now? We hear voices from the "family" contingent all the time. Minority stands must be heard as well! That has to be the reason that god invented the internet!

The Dyke factor in the Queer Equation

Equality Means Recognizing Difference

Yes, I want unity, I want solidarity with my leftist constituency and for the underdogs to fight and win against the powers that be. But I also want to be accepted for who I am in the context of that struggle. I remember the first time I saw an open lesbian in a performance where the audience was mixed, queer and straight. It was a Lily Tomlin show, "The search for signs of intelligent life in the universe," and oh, I was searching. I enjoyed the show but what surprised me was a homophobically charged encounter with some upper crust type of straight women seated behind us. I don't even recall exactly what transpired but the thing that confounded and amazed me was their homophobic atitudes in spite of the fact that they were watching an "out" dyke, Lily Tomlin, perform.  I'm sure that this kind of thing happens with African-Americans all the time. You know, the famous ones are ok but the regular ones...

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area so, if you are of an optomistic bent, you would think that the people I work with, run into etc. have arrived at a state beyond homophobia. You would be wrong. Although some perceptive and intelligent folks have LGBT people in their conciousness, and in thier FGs (friendship groups), many do not. Some folks are friends with gay men but have never encountered a lesbian. To assume that being cognizant of the issues affecting lesbian, gay bisexual and trans folks by schmoozing with charming and powerful gay men just doesn't cut it. It would be like saying that I'm aware of the issues Muslims face because I know Tariq, Mohammed and Suleman. But until you speak to Fatima, Aisha and Yasmine you don't know squat.