Suicide / Survival

Robin Williams’ suicide is a devastating waste and loss. The shock waves reverberating around the world seem out of proportion for one comedian however brilliant, poignant and universally respected and loved.

This is a reaction to the big question that if someone like Robin Williams could end his life, how can the rest of us poor fools ever manage to trudge on? If wealth, fame and universal adoration aren’t strong enough reasons to compel someone to stay here on earth, what does that say about all our struggles? It compells us to imagine a depth of despair that is truly terrifying. It speaks to the immense difficulty of this life that someone can go against every survival instinct as opposed to just waiting for inevitable, eventual death, an experience guaranteed to every one of us.  

Death in our culture is very scary. In my sixth decade, I currently see more friends taken down against their will than because of it. That was not always the case. I’ve had friends and family members and friends who’ve ended their lives. My grandmother took pills. my high school friend, Jill hung herself with her knee socks when we were in our early twenties. In those years, my friend Liz stole her uncle’s gun and shot herself in the head. As one of those they left behind, I felt grief was overwhelmed by a sense of failure.What could I have done or said that might have made a difference? Couldn't I have talked them into one more pizza, one more movie?

Yet, I have certainly gone through periods in my life when I’ve considered suicide as an option. Fortunately, there is a vast abyss between thought and action. Taking your own life is a violent act that requires a high level of desperation as well as commitment. It demands totally abandoning the idea that things will improve, that tomorrow will be that proverbial new day.

The tragedy of suicide is that violence is perpetrated not only on the departee but on the survivors. I blame my mother leaving me because of ovarian cancer, but if it had been her decision to go it would have made my anger that much stronger. We all want to debrief with the dead but, except for dreams and visions, they are no longer available to us. Anger, frustration and fear are the collateral damage that suicide leaves in its wake.

So grieve for Robin Williams and for everyone who couldn’t bear to wait around for the grim reaper and instead took things into their own hands.It’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to be pissed off. But the best outcome is to support the people you care about right now and make sure each one of them can keep on keepin’ on!

Working for a Paycheck is Not a Choice

Ann Romney

With the latest flap between strategist for the Democrats, Hillary Rosen and obscenely wealthy wife of Republican candidate Mitt Romney making headlines, I feel compelled to interject some comments about well off folks, not just one-per-centers, and the shackles of the brutal, capitalist workplace.

First off, when Hilary Rosen when states that, "Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life," it's true she is not including the drudgery of child rearing, a dirty job in which many of us have consciously chosen never to participate. I'm also sure that Ms. Romney had tons of options for help available to her on days she wasn't feeling quite up to snuff because that is what wealth is all about: options. The single mother who cleans houses, sells drugs, or turns tricks for a living doesn't have options. She doesn't have health care, she doesn't even have a paycheck. The waitress may have some of these perks and the factory worker may have a few more but, none of them possess the luxury of sitting on their butts at home and focusing on child-rearing.

Having choices holds a value far beyond the material world. When you are speaking of creative pursuits, meaningful work, or landing that dream job, the cushion that money provides is not just psychological and physical well being. It provides the ability to keep searching or just wait until that life-affirming work appears. Take a mainstream Democratic Party politician like Nancy Pelosi. She may not be a member of the one percent, but her father was mayor of Baltimore, her hometown. She interned first, without pay and didn't take a job until the right political plum came along. And yes, after that she did work for a paycheck.

Many folks with cushions and safety nets use this strategy. I had a personal friend who wanted to work in computers. She went to a lot of classes and investigated all kinds of programming, all the while with help from her family. She didn't have to take a job until she found just the right fit at thirty years of age.

If you don't have this cushion, you must take whatever comes along whether it is meaningful or politically correct or not.You have neither the leisure to wait nor the connections to mine. This, of course, puts you at a disadvantage that lasts throughout your working life.

So Ann Romney when your only "job" is managing your household staff, dropping in on the children after they have been cleaned up and prepped by teachers and nannies and campaigning for your hubby, I would hardly describe that as work. Miss Ann and her husband Mitt couldn't be more removed from salt of the earth concerns. Their privilege is pale, thick and heavy and, like cream that has been sitting in the sun too long, has begun to ferment and smell.